::: Verse of the Day :::
I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me.
| John 17:20-21 |

So what Jesus is saying in the prayer is, unless we (the church, XS or any body of Christ) are in Christ, obeying the Father & working with the Holy Spirit, our evangelistic efforts are basically a waste of time. Or maybe, to put it in a nicer way, not as effective as it could be. This is something I think that ONE could work towards.

Went for megapraise practice yesterday. Its exciting to see how the younger ones are taking over in leading worship & as musicians. Still need more bassists and drummers though. Can't always have the same people playing for every megapraise. It maybe be difficult because GAS has set quite a high standard. Anyway, I was there just as a spectator/ sound tech. I was giving some of my opinions about what I knew about music. I hope I didn't offend anyone in the process. Don't know if my comments were welcome or not. :P

I went shopping before the practice by myself again. I almost forgot what it felt like to spend time alone. Had a good time reflecting on these past few weeks and decided to take certain steps to get my life back in order. Maybe to stop taking part in the coarse joking with my buddies. Or to stop pitying myself. Or maybe to stop ignoring God. Ignoring God is a very dangerous thing to do. Because you will soon realise that He doesn't need you but you need Him.

I noticed something while strolling around Plaza Singapura that I found pretty interesting. NOBODY goes out alone. Or rather, very few people actually plan to spend time by themselves. When my buddies asked where I was going before we parted, they were surprised to hear my plan. They even thought I was going to meet someone secretly. So anyway, I was taking the escalator down to the 4th story when I saw this JC girl on the 3rd story. There was nothing out of the ordinary about her except she was leaning against the railing looking down at the people scurrying about. She only caught my attention when 10 minutes later while I was walking to Times Bookstore, I noticed that she was still there with a forlorn look on her face.

I was thinking to myself, 'Wow.. this girl must be emo like me... '
And so I walked into Times Bookstore to browse, (Incidently, I bought a book called Pegasus Bridge. By the same author of Band of Brothers) but keeping notice of her every now and then. It was another 10 minutes before a bunch of JC guys (from a different JC) came by and this guy whom I assumed to be her boyfriend stood beside her and talked to her before walking off together... No one stays alone, unless they're waiting for somebody. And maybe thats what I'm doing....

waiting...

Just a quick update... I went for a friend's engagement today. Here we go, watching life fly by. Seeing the people around pair up and move on. I know 'there's still time', 'i'm still young' and other assorted excuses. But I'm getting tired of waiting. Its back to school tomorrow... And IPPT on tuesday.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
I had this dream...
this dream is make believe...
I'm not going to wear my heart on my sleeve
because I don't know who i'm looking for
I don't know whats left fighting for
If this is all to life then I want more
I want more...
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

XS is growing... We're reaching out to more people. Having more fun and hopefully, being more effective for Christ. But that doesn't seem to make me rejoice. Not many things are making me rejoice lately. Certain issues are chaining me down and wearing me out. Maybe its because I'm constantly reminding myself of what I'm lacking. Its like that gatorade advertisement where the guy is swimming in liquid concrete. Or the guy cycling with a giant ball and chain connected to his bike. Or the guy running with the parachute.

I'm going to stop talking about things like this now. I think it'll be good that I took my mind off it. Of course its fun to joke around once in a while, but do it too often and it starts to take its toll... Need to stop wearing my heart on my sleeve. Because misunderstandings will arise, and complications will cause problems. And people will not take me seriously next time. There was a glimpse of hope for a split second today. But I'm not even going to entertain it. Because I've come to a point where I confuse even myself. Where my soul takes me for a wild ride on the emotional spectrum. Thrilling highs.. but the lows leave a lot to be desired.

Let me end off with a short excerpt of an article.
I thought my wounded heart never would heal. I now realize I developed my list for protection. It was easier to have a shopping list no one could fulfill than to risk getting hurt again. Then God reminded me of his promise never to leave me or forsake me (Hebrews 13:5). I found this comforting in the face of the fact that loving anyone is a risk. Walking in the knowledge that God will carry me through the difficult times and will be with me no matter what now gives me the freedom to take wise risks in romantic relationships.

Additionally, I looked at others who made a poor choice in a (marriage) partner and determined not to be like them. While there's wisdom in this, at the same time I wasn't trusting God with my personal life. God showed me self-protective hearts can't love. I thought keeping a list would protect me. But after many years of sizing (people) up, I developed negative thought patterns. I didn't realize I was operating out of fear and a critical spirit until God revealed that to me. It was then I realized the list I held was, in reality, holding me.

Our society encourages an "It's all about me" attitude. Music, television, books, even well-meaning friends encourage self-promotion. But this attitude blocks love. First Corinthians 13:4 says love isn't proud. We can't focus on ourselves and then expect a relationship to flourish. Not only is this kind of thinking not conducive to a healthy relationship, it's also not conducive to a healthy heart, one free of pride and a judgmental spirit.

Lasting romance, the Bible tells us, is rooted deeply in the soil of sacrifice. List-making, on the other hand, can be critical and self-serving. Practicing selfless love, whether relationships lead to marriage or not, blesses everyone involved. And as Christians, we're called to selfless love, the kind that has others' best interest in mind.

Every once in a while you stop and think to yourself. What the heck are you doing with your life? You stop everything, amidst your busy schedule, to reconsider the things that you're wasting your time on. Then your flaws come up at you like blinking neon lights in a seedy part of town on a dark night. They scream to be noticed when you're trying to hide your shame.

How do you lose something so beautiful? Why didn't you hold on tightly enough? Why didn't I wake up out of my stupor sooner? I think its pathetic how I'm groping around in the dark trying to find something or someone who will fill that void. Jeremy mentioned something about a compass that pointed true north despite interferences. I want to stop twirling around... I'm tired

You talk & talk & talk...
But nothing ever happens. Changes aren't seen. I could say that fruits require effort, and effort requires time, and time is hard to come by. But its been too long without any results. Drastic actions need to be implemented. Maybe people will notice another change... Maybe they won't. But what matters is that I do something about it.

How would you market yourself?

If I were a product that could be sold... How would I advertise myself? How would I project a postive image onto the consumer's mind? Would there be any benefits or advantage in using this product? Its hard to think of any when you have no interests outside of church. I play music for church, play soccer for church, lead cell group in church, dress up to go to church, hang out with church friends. I'm distancing myself from the world. Which is a good thing. But maybe I need more hobbies. Difficult to achieve when my entire schedule revolves around church activities. Is this what it means to give my life to God? By giving my time and interests?

A.W. Tozer says

No worship is wholly pleasing to God until there is nothing in me displeasing to God...
...Thats why I say your worship must be total. It must involve the whole you...
...If there is to be true and blessed worship, somethings in your life must be destroyed, eliminated.

Apparently its not enough. Anytime you think 'hey, I'm doing pretty well,' its as if you did nothing at all. Don't get me wrong... I'm not saying God is some sick dictator who wants to run your life into the ground and make you miserable. But its only when you give up everything to Him... every single aspect to Him along with every bit of filth comes along with it. Only then can He start the long tedious process of helping you to become Holy like He is. Only then will you realise that by giving up everything, He actually gives it back to you, purified and sanctified and with so much more! You realise that your life isn't 'destroyed' but rather enhanced. The good points which you had are brought forward to be developed and the bad points are diminished or transformed. And then you will be ready to be sent forth.

Its been a tiring day. Non-stop lectures in Singapore polytechnic. Thank God that I've attended seminars before. Was able to keep attentive for most of the day. I'm glad for the opportunity to book out for lessons rather than having them in camp. The change in environment is good for the morale. Even if it does mean booking back in to camp at 6pm.

These 2 weeks have been slightly unreal. In camp training is intensive and yet time passes slowly. A lot of things have to be learnt & memorised. We're expected to pick up skills at lightning pace. I expect it to get more intellectually challenging as we go along. I praise God for putting me here. The more I think about it, the more amazed at how well everything falls into place here. Having more time to focus on God & read His word. Time to do things like preparing Word for cell group. But sickeningly, I did not bring in my cell Word file. Forgive me Lord...

Sunday's sermon was an interesting one. Interesting because I learnt so much from the speaker even though I disagreed with her on so many issues. Issues which I felt were God's lessons for her specifically & not for Christians in general.

Opinions...
Are we entitled to them? What about the things I believe in? Do I dare say that what I believe in, bible truths so to speak, are the absolute truth? Isn't there a chance that I many be honestly wrong? Or will my faith carry me through? Will her faith carry her through the things that seem flawed to me?

All I know is to go where the Holy Spirit leads me. To walk the path that He lays before me with a quiet confidence. Doing my best at the tasks laid before me. Praying that by doing so, my life will be a good testimony to those around me. But is that an end in itself? Am I doing it so that I get some self-worth out of my life? God, how do I do I become a good testimony? How can I be most effective for You? Should I become a religious freak? And scare off everyone I meet? Or is it possible to lead a fun Christ-like life?
Who said Christians were losing out? The world.
Who said being a good testimony makes you a religious freak? The world.
But its not entirely the world's fault. Our lives have become so ingrained with the world that we no longer recognise goodness when we see it. Or sin for that matter.

The question would be... How do I rebel against the world? Where should the lines be drawn. Janet Buchanen says that theres no such thing as a balanced Christian life. If you're looking from the secular perspective, then I think I agree with her. Deep down I sense that its the truth. So do I withdraw from these things? To abstain from movies, tv shows, the computer, music...? Things which have a chance to introduce sin?

Do I fear that I slip into a state thats irrelevant to the people around me? Fear of insignificance? Fear that by sacrificing these things, I'll turn into some religious dinosaur? Why fear? Because deep down I still place it in a position of importance.

I went down to Rhema today. I'm glad I did... It so happened that today's worship flowed so well and I met up with God. I missed worship like this. Worship so real and intense, its as if you could literally reach out and touch God. As if God was right next to you replying to every sentence you utter in tongues. It was a good time. But it was a gentle reminder from God... Its time to start praying already.

Tomorrow morning I'll be booking in for the start of my signalling vocation. I think it'll be quite an interesting 3 months. I'm really looking forward to all that extra time.

::: Cell Verse :::
As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit–just as you were called to one hope when you were called– one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.
| Ephesians 4:1-6 |

Reality According to Hollywood

All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.

The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place.

The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.

A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.

Persons knocked unconscious by a blow to the head will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.

It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.

Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds—unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.

All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they will go off.

Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.

It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations.

Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.

It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts; your enemies will patiently wait to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.

These aren't the only ways that movies twist reality.